How to communicate and persuade in three easy steps

Some people are just naturally persuasive: but it’s strange, all the studies show they talk less than others. So why are they so persuasive ? Why do they win a hearing when others don’t ? How do they communicate so effectively ?

It’s by actively listening, and clearly showing they understand others’ pain.

Step 1: They’re properly engaged: You know their whole attention is on you, from eye contact, from posture, their expression. They seem to act like you: their body language often matches(arms in same position, leaning forward/back, etc). Parrotting is critical: they repeat key words back to you, (“… problem ?” “….concern ?”) and you find yourself explaining more and more.

Step 2: They ask short, simple, logical questions, such as who, why, what, where, when, how. They want to fully understand your story, and get to the bottom of the problem.

Step 3: They summarise well: they deliver a crisp and accurate replay to ensure you know they understand. But here’s the twist: your problem has been reframed positively as an opportunity, so the next steps are much clearer.

Three steps to empathy: you know it makes sense.

How to close in three easy ways

We've all heard about The Great Closer, Mister Big, the salesperson extraordinaire: “...will you sign before lunch, or are you not hungry ?”.

Having spent a lifetime in sales, I have learned that closing should be natural, easy, and without conflict for both you and the buyer. Great Closing is a Big Myth: sharp, hard closing puts people off: it actually ruins long term relationships. If anyone tries to close me I say "If I have to make a decision today, the answer's No.".

Here are three gentle and effective ways of moving a deal to close that don’t cause offence:

Summarise your offer and then ask how they feel:
“So adding it all up, it'll save you at least £25,000 every year....how’s that sound to you ?”
Or....“....how do you feel about that ?”
Or....“...if we could sort that out.....is that something that would work for you ?”

Summarise your offer and then ask about their next steps:
“Ok,....so how do we move to the next stage ?”
“Let’s assume this is all ok, what would your next steps be ?”

Work back from their chosen timescale:
“By when do you want the whole project completed ?…so that means we’ll need xxx done by yyy, and yyy done by zzz….which means we’ll need the formal go-ahead by Friday 23rd – are you in a position to sort that out ?”

Keep the tone easy and conversational, that way it’ll be comfortable for both of you. Just always, ALWAYS, leave a silence to let them answer. And if they don't give you a full answer, stay quiet, let the silence work for you for once...

How to Make Time

I have a collection of glossy, sexy, life-changing Time Management books. All are gathering dust.

Why ? Because you don’t change your habits just by reading a book. To change long-practised behaviour and instinctive responses is extremely difficult. It’s been said that you need to do something differently for 18 days running before your brain grows new synapses, and you can call it a habit.

So let’s keep it simple. Let’s make some time, and then use it wisely…..on one sheet of paper:

·         First, define your TIME THIEVES: then work to eliminate them

o    In 5 minutes, write down the things that steal your time

o    Next to them, write down tactics/strategies to prevent/control/manage/avoid each one

·         Second, define your GOALS

o    Write down on one page the essential/critical things you want to achieve by when.

o    Carry this with you everywhere. Review it every day. Put a copy on the board behind your screen. Make it your screen desktop.

And remember these wise words from Thomas Huxley, Biologist (1825-1895): “Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not; it is the first lesson that ought to be learned; and however early a man’s training begins, it is probably the last lesson that he learns thoroughly.”

How a great manager can become a great leader

Ok, you have a great grip on detail, you delegate well, your task definitions are models of clarity, and no-one, but no-one, can divert you from your goals. You’re a great Manager.

But there’s this thing called Leadership. Can I be good at that as well ? The answer is Yes: but you need to accept that Leadership is completely different from Management.

Great Leaders have four characteristics:

Clarity: their Elevator Pitch is better than anyone’s. As General Colin Powell said: "...they cut through argument, debate, and doubt and offer a solution everyone can understand." 

Focus: there’s no time wasting or prevarication. As Peter Drucker said: “Focus: 1. What to do. 2. How to do it. 3. Do it.”

Self-knowledge and integrity: they know themselves and their cause: following a great leader is often a spiritual experience, more like a moral crusade

Bravery: great leaders take difficult decisions, and take them early - there’s no-one with more belief and courage

Above all, leadership isn’t measurable: your task is to get everyone working seriously on their stuff, motivated and happy. No small challenge, but no-one ever said it was going to be easy !

How a great leader can become a great manager

Ok, you’re inspiring, focussed on success, driving progress with self-belief and integrity - there’s no-one with more belief and courage than you. You’re a Leader.

But there’s this thing called Management. Can I be good at that as well ? The answer is Yes: but you need to accept that Management is completely different from Leadership.

Great Managers have four characteristics:

Grip of detail: they know their numbers, and are never caught out on facts

Work through their people: they’re not self-appointed universal task experts, they delegate tasks for others to achieve

Clear task definition and co-ordination: they think through plans and remove ambiguity – everyone knows what’s expected of them by when

Perseverance: they approach all tasks the same, with an unswerving determination

Above all, management is measurable: every step is planned and can be counted. No small challenge, but no-one ever said it was going to be easy !